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The car ride was quiet, and I could tell that Mark was nervous. I looked over at him and examined the worry-lines that fell upon his forehead.

“Is something wrong baby?”

“What? Me? No not at all! I just want this night to be perfect…just like you Annie” he smiled shyly at me.

I looked over at Mark and as I do I see the sign of my favorite restaurant-  Giovanni’s

Half-way through dinner Mark looks at me and tells me he loves me. A sudden rush of fear comes over me.

“I think I forgot to ask the waitress to not put red pepper on my dish, I’ll be right back Annie” Mark says as he walks away in a hurry.

            As he leaves to go talk to the waitress I stand to go the restroom. I look at myself in the mirror and see the color blue bleed all over my body. I rubbed the fabric of the dress to find that blue dye from the dress was rubbing all over my body.  Standing there looking down at my dress and I start to wonder why something doesn’t seem right. I take one last look in the mirror and see Marks lingering eyes staring back at me.

I finally put on my jacket to cover the blue dye and walk outside. When I do, I’m speechless. There are white flowers surrounding our table and a bottle of champagne in and ice bucket. I see Mark standing there with a smile on his face.

“You came back just in time Annie. I have something to tell you.”

I stand there in shock and before I know it he starts to walk towards me.

“Annie we’ve been together for five years now, and not a day goes by that I don’t get butterflies. I love you Annie, more than you’ll ever know” He says as he starts to make his way down onto one knee. “Would you do me the honor in sharing the rest of your life with me?”

Everyone in the restaurant is staring back at me waiting for an answer and before I have a chance to think about it I see someone. Someone who I thought I’d never see again. My ex-boyfriend, Jack is standing across the restaurant staring at me. Mark looks over his shoulder to see what I am looking at.

“Annie? You okay?” Terrified I stand there speechless

“I thought I saw someone… but I think I’m just seeing things.”

            The drive back to our apartment was long as I sank into the feeling of nostalgia. The feelings I felt brought me back to one of the darkest times in my life. I never imagined how much of an effect Jack left on me. As we rolled up our driveway Mark looked over at me.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay. I think I must of ate something bad for lunch.”

“I told you not to eat those leftovers.”

            The night ended with both of us not saying another word to each other. I laid in bed next to Mark wide awake thinking about everything. Looking back on the night something felt wrong, something felt off. I couldn’t be sure if I really saw Jack, or if my mind was playing tricks on me. My thoughts finally started to ease as I drifted into a hazy sleep.

I woke up abruptly at six in the morning. The sun was peeking through the curtains in my eyes. I look down to see that I am drenched in sweat. I have no recollection of what my dream was about, but it left me with and uneasy feeling in my stomach. I look over to see that Mark isn’t in bed. Making my way down stairs the bitter aroma of coffee fills my nose.

“Can’t sleep either?”

Mark looks up at me and smiles. “No, surprisingly I’m not tired. You want some coffee?”

“Coffee sounds great.”

Mark walks over to get a cup of coffee for me, and when he passes me he stops.

“You feeling okay? You look a little worn out.”

“Yeah I’m fine. Just a restless night I guess.”

Mark smiles “Okay. Two sugars good?”

“Perfect”

            We sat in silence for a few minutes while drinking our coffee. The steam hitting my face from the mug was comforting in a way that I needed. I look over to see Mark staring at me with his sleepy blue eyes.

“Take a picture, it will last longer” I say with a laugh

He chuckles a little but then stops and looks at me

 “Annie I’m worried about you. Maybe you should move your appointment with your therapist to tomorrow. Or go to one of those support groups you used to go to all the time. I don’t know Annie, you just aren’t acting like yourself.”

It hurt me to see how worried Mark was about me. I knew that he was right, and I wasn’t okay. But I couldn’t bring myself to say that he was.

“Mark if I move my appointment with my therapist will you leave me alone about this?”

“Yes, it would make me feel a lot better Annie.”

“I’ll move my appointment to tomorrow, happy?”

Mark smiled at me “You know I only want what’s best for you” he said as he gave me a kiss on the cheek. 

            I called my therapist that morning and set the appointment for the next day. A part of me was relieved while another part of me was terrified. The day went on as normal, but I couldn’t get Jack out of my head. To keep myself busy I started to go through my closet to find clothes to give away.

            I looked at the closet door to see my blue dress from the night before, in perfect shape. No wrinkles, no stains, it looked as if it hadn’t been lived in. I went to go put it in the closet where the rest of my dresses hung. I decided to start there when something caught my eye, a dress pushed all the way in the back of the closet, one that I hadn’t worn in so many years. I looked at the silk blue dress only for it to bled red stains from the last night I wore it. I closed my eyes and it all came back to me.

            Looking up at jack standing over my body, trying to move but everything ached. I remember attempting to roll over but when I did Jack kicked me in the back. When I cried out for help, I felt another strike hit my back. I look at the back of the blue dress to see a stain from where he kicked me.

            That night all I remember him saying is “I’m so sorry Annie. I’ll try to be better. I can be better.”

I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder and when I looked back I saw Mark standing there looking down at the dress with me.

“Is this what has been bothering you all night? You know I would never hurt you Annie.”

“I know, I was just going through somethings and I found it.”

Mark took the dress and hung it back up in the closet “You know, you still haven’t given me an answer from last night.”

“I know Mark, I just need some time to think.”

Mark turned to look at me with a blank expression for a minute and then finally smiled at me and said “That’s okay, take all the time you need. No rush. Really”

            As he walked out of the room I picked up my phone to call my friend Amanda over for lunch. I felt as though she would understand how I was feeling right now. Within ten minutes Amanda knocked at my door.

“Ugh Annie the anticipation is killing me! Show me the ring!” Amanda grabbed my hand as she walked through the door and looked up with a face of confusion.

“Oh Annie, what happened? Mark told me how was going to propose last night?”

“He did but then, I thought I saw Jack.”

I looked at her and saw the same face that Mark gave me earlier, a face of worry and fear.

“You thought? Are you sure?”

“No that’s the thing, I’m not one hundred percent sure if it was him or not. But ever since then I’ve been having these doubts about everything”

“What do you mean doubts? About Mark?”

“Yeah… something just doesn’t feel right lately.”

“Did you call your therapist?”

“Yes I told her I would come in tomorrow”

“Are you okay? How do you feel about everything?”

I suddenly felt as if my heart was in my throat “I’m okay. But for the first time in a long time I thought about what happened that night between Jack and I.”

Amanda looked at me in silence for a minute before she grabbed my hand stroked it with her thumb. We sat on there for ten minutes before Mark walked through the door and saw the look on Amanda’s face. Mark walked over to the couch across from us and sat down.

“Hey Amanda, I didn’t know you were coming over. How are you?”

“I’m good, I just stopped by to see how Annie was doing. Ya know, to catch up.”

“Ah, I see.”

I looked at the time on the living room clock and I could feel the minutes passing by as we sat in silence.

“Is anyone hungry? I’m going to make us something to eat.”

“Annie let me do it! You stay here with Amanda.”

“Mark I can make my own lunch. You stay here. I’ll be right back.”

            As I walked away I could feel the sympathetic look I was getting from both Amanda and Mark. I looked down at my hands as I started to cut an apple and suddenly I felt as if someone was there watching me. I turned around with the knife in my hand to find Mark standing in the door way.

“Oh my gosh, Mark don’t scare me like that!” Mark stood in the doorway with a face of fear.

“Annie, I think you should just relax for a bit. Maybe read a book or go on a run! But first put the knife down.”

I looked down to see that I was still clenching the knife in my hand and broke into tears. A wave of sadness and fear came over me. I felt exposed. I felt as if I couldn’t protect myself without that knife in my hand. Amanda ran into the room as soon as she heard the crying and grabbed my hands and stroke them with her thumbs. I looked back at Mark to see him wiping away tears from his eyes.

I decided that a run might help me clear my mind. I laced up my black Nikes and took off running. I ran about three miles before I decided to stop. I looked around to find the ocean staring back at me. The patterns of the ocean waves coming in and produce a wave of comfort to overcome me. Without even thinking I let out a scream. I opened my eyes to find someone in the distance looking at me. Someone who looked a lot like Jack. The comfort I had felt disappeared, as I started to run back home.

That night Mark didn’t say anything about what happened earlier. We ate in silence and went to bed an hour than we normally did. During the night as I was wide awake I looked over at Mark. To my astonishment he was awake too. He looked back at me and smiled.

“You know you’re the most beautiful women I have ever seen before?”

I laughed and for the first time in twenty-four hours I didn’t feel afraid. I reached over and grabbed his arm to put around me.

“Thank you.” I whispered to him. I looked up to realized he had fallen asleep in the short conversation.

            I stayed awake for most of the night thinking about what I had been seeing. I looked at the closet to see the dress shoved in the back peeking out at me. Almost as a reminder of what had happened that night to me. I got up and to close the closet door, but I couldn’t resist it. I took out the dress again and looked at the stains from that night.   I closed my eyes and embraced the feeling that overcame me. I now know what it is like to me thankful for life. Suddenly I heard a noise come from behind me. I turned around to see Mark awake staring at me.

“Annie, stop looking at that old thing and come back to bed”

I took one look at it again and closed the closet door.

The sun peeked through the curtains and I woke up. My body once drenched in sweat. I looked over and saw Mark was still in bed sleeping. I made my way to the kitchen and called my therapist.

“Hi Joan? It’s me Annie. Can I move my appointment to ten instead of one? It’s important.”

            I pulled up to the same office that I had been to so many times before. I look to see Joan standing by the door like she always does. I parked my car and walked to the door way where she stood.

“Ah Annie, Come in dear.” She says to me as she motions for me to step inside.

“Now what brings you here today? It’s been a while since our last session.”

“I’ve been having these weird…images. I thought I saw Jack twice this week now. I don’t know though, something seems off.”

“Where did you think you saw him?”

 “It was at my favorite restaurant, Giovanni’s. Mark, my boyfriend, was proposing. I thought I saw him from across the restaurant. But I couldn’t be for sure. It was so perfect, there were white flowers and champagne. But my body bled blue-”

“What do you mean your body bled blue?”

“There was something wrong with my dress, the dye bled onto my body.”

“Interesting. Now what did you say to Mark when he proposed?”

“I haven’t answered him yet. Why?”

“Why couldn’t you answer him at the restaurant? Because you saw Jack? Or because you truly don’t love Mark”

“What do you mean? I love Mark. He’s the reason I’m here today.”

“Okay but what do you love about Mark?”

“I love everything about Mark, I don’t see what this has to do about me seeing-”

“It has a lot to do with it since Jack has been in prison since the night of your attack. I think you’re seeing characteristics of Jack in Mark. Has Mark ever hit you?”

“What? No! Never!”

“Are you afraid that Mark might hit you?”

I started to feel my heart beating faster and faster. “No…never… at least I don’t think so”

“And are you sure that your body bled blue from the dye? Not from something else?”

“What do you mean something else?”

“Something like injuring yourself? Or someone else harming you? Someone like Mark?”

I looked down at my wrist and saw my body bled blue. But this time, not from the dress. From something else- someone else.

Joan moved her chair closer to me “Annie I think you need to make a plan.”

“A plan? For what?”

“A plan in case he attacks again. Find a place to stay and get it ready just incase something does happen, you’ll be ready”

            As Joan told me what she thought I needed to do I suddenly realized why I didn’t answer Mark yet. I thought about how I second guessed the blue dress, how the car ride was quiet, how it didn’t feel right that when he proposed. I thought about how I held the knife in my hand that day, how unprotected I felt when I let go of it. How Amanda comforted me while Mark stood there in the door way crying. But most importantly I imagined who I saw that night in the restaurant.

            I left Joan’s office feeling confused and lost. Like my world turned upside down. I went home to prepare my things when I saw that Mark’s car was in the driveway. I thought about turning around and driving back to Joan’s, but I knew I had to face Mark sooner or later. When I walked inside the house I saw a trail of white flower petals leading to the kitchen. They lead to the table in the kitchen where a meal ready for two sat.

Mark stood there smiling at me “I want to do this right Annie, no distractions, no pressure, just you and me.” He kneeled down and pulled out a ring.

“Mark I can’t”

“If you would let say what I need to say-”

“Mark, I said no.”

I started to walk away when I felt a tight hand on my wrist.

“Annie, stop being so damn difficult. You’re going to accept my proposal.” 

I tried to pull my arm away but when I did he squeezed harder.
“Mark, let go. You’re starting to worry me.”

“Annie I’m not letting go”

“Mark. I’m not going to marry you.”

Suddenly Mark whipped back his hand and struck me across the face “You made me waste all my time and money? Who do you think you are? Who else is going to love you, you’re just damaged goods” He went in for another and before he could I grabbed his hand and tried to fight back. Him being stronger than me pushed me to the floor and started to kick. First my back, and then my chest, and soon before I knew it I felt another punch at the face. I looked up to see him coming closer to my face and I tried to move but everything ached. He picked me up in his arms to where I could see his piercing blue eyes. The same eyes I once loved, the same eyes I let myself let my wall down too. Now all I see is a stranger. The same stranger I saw across the restaurant.